Remember ‘life is a mirror’ – if you are not getting the outcome you want in meetings, start by reviewing your own behaviours. What needs to change?
Besides our choice of words – volume and tone of a voice, gestures, posture and facial expressions all convey powerful messages to the people we are talking to and are arguably more important.
Yet for all the care we take to read other people’s body language, we rarely pay attention to our own. This is largely, I think, because knowledge of our true selves is hard and does not come naturally to us.
I have found over the course of my working life that the best way to become more aware of myself and of the impact of my own largely unconscious behavior is to systematically run through some standard influencers of negative body language. Before you go into a meeting, for example, make a habit of asking yourself the following:
When did I last eat? Physical conditions have a powerful impact on one’s emotional state and therefore on the body language other meeting participants will be watching closely. If you haven’t eaten for several hours, do so
Do I have issues with anyone I’m meeting? If you don’t make an effort to put your feelings about the people you’re meeting front of mind, those feelings will influence your emotional state. Suppose you are irritated with a particular colleague. Your irritation could come through in the way you talk or position your body in relation to them which could well inhibit them from making a useful contribution. Before going into a meeting, note the issues and feelings you have with the people you will be engaging with.
Am I prepared? If you aren’t prepared for a meeting you’ll have to rely on ‘winging’ it. In that case you will concentrate on making sure you keep up with the discussion and don’t show your ignorance. People who aren’t well prepared end up compensating by taking a lot of airtime to make others think that they are well informed. So, whatever body language faults they have get exaggerated. What’s more, they are unlikely to think about their body language if they are concentrating on winging it. So if you’re not prepared it’s better to postpone a meeting until you are or admit that you are not.
Am I angry? If you are, just take time out. Anger doesn’t play well with any form of communication, non-verbal and verbal alike.
The pre-flight prep I’ve outlined is critical but you have to keep reading the ‘dashboard’ after you take off as well. You won’t be able to stay completely on top of things, but it will help if you periodically ask yourself:
Am I fidgeting? If you’re fairly still and listening then all is probably well. But if you’re shifting about in your chair, doodling or, worst of all looking at your Blackberry/Iphone, then you can be pretty sure that the person talking is likely to be feeling that you’re not interested in what they have to say.
Am I interrupting? In any healthy debate people will occasionally interrupt. But if you do it a lot, people may feel that you’re not open and not listening carefully to what they are saying, or that you’re overcompensating for your ignorance. Asking yourself if you’re interrupting too much also leads naturally thinking about how you are communicating with your body, expressions, and gestures: are you acknowledging the other people, are you smiling at them or looking angry?
We cannot expect to be able to iron out all our communication faults but we should try at least to become aware of them and of their negative impact.
