Imagine this: You’re deep in your work when a director walks into your office, venting about their manager. Instead of having a direct conversation with their boss, they’ve come to you—again. Suddenly, it feels like you’re running an emotional support hotline rather than leading a high-growth company.
Sound familiar?
As a Managing Director (MD), your instinct may be to help, especially when employees are upset. But here’s the hard truth: You don’t have to be the problem-solver every time.
This is a classic case of triangulation—when an employee avoids direct communication and brings a third party (you) into the issue instead. Triangulation wastes time, undermines trust, and keeps your team from developing the skills they need to solve their own problems.
You have two choices: Keep playing the fixer, or step into the role of coach—one who empowers their team to handle conflicts independently.
Are You a Fixer or a Coach?
Before you step in to mediate, ask yourself:
How often do I feel the need to solve everyone’s problems?
What boundaries do I need to set to empower my team?
In which situations do I struggle to coach instead of solve?
If you’re constantly putting out fires, it’s time to shift your leadership approach.
How to Prevent Triangulation: Coach, Don’t Fix
You can’t build a high-growth company if you’re stuck in the weeds of team conflict. Instead of acting as the go-between, set clear expectations that employees must resolve conflicts themselves before bringing issues to you. You are there to coach, not mediate.
Here’s how to break the cycle:
1. Establish a “No Triangulation” Policy
Let your team know you’re available for guidance—but not as an intermediary. If someone comes to you with a complaint about a colleague, redirect them: “Have you spoken to them directly about this?”
Encourage open, direct conversations rather than venting to leadership.
2. Remove the Middleman Tactics
If a director complains about their manager, your first question should be: “What did your manager say when you brought this up?”
If they haven’t spoken to them yet, push them to take ownership of the conversation. Over time, this shifts the culture away from dependency on you and toward proactive problem-solving.
3. Coach, Don’t Intervene
Resist the urge to fix the issue yourself. Instead, ask: “If you were to have a direct conversation with them, what would you say?”
Encourage your team to think through solutions on their own rather than relying on you for answers.
Five Steps to Become a Coach, Not a Mediator
Want to shift from being a fixer to a leader who empowers? Implement these five strategies:
1. Set Clear Conflict-Resolution Expectations
Communicate that direct problem-solving is the first step. Encourage employees to address conflicts head-on before escalating to leadership.
2. Check Your Own Leadership Tendencies
Are you stepping in because you like being the problem-solver? Do you fear losing control if you don’t intervene? Recognise these tendencies and shift toward coaching as a more sustainable leadership style.
3. Foster Psychological Safety
People avoid direct conversations when they fear negative consequences. Create an environment where employees feel safe speaking up—without backlash, blame, or judgment. Reward team members who take ownership of resolving conflicts constructively.
4. Invest in Skill-Building
Conflict resolution, difficult conversations, and emotional intelligence aren’t innate skills—they need to be developed. Provide your team with training, coaching, and frameworks for handling workplace conflicts independently.
5. Bring in a Professional When Needed
Not every conflict can be solved internally. Recognise when to bring in a leadership coach or mediator to facilitate discussions. The goal isn’t just to put out fires—it’s to build a long-term culture of accountability and growth.
Build a Team That Solves Its Own Problems
Let me be blunt—if you’re constantly resolving conflicts, you’re not leading at your highest level. Instead of being the fixer, empower your team to handle their own challenges.
The old leadership model was about having all the answers. The high-growth MD focuses on coaching and development.
So, set the expectation. Encourage direct conversations. Invest in problem-solving skills. And watch as your team transforms into a self-sufficient, high-performance powerhouse—without relying on you to solve every issue.