During coaching sessions, even the most accomplished clients - CEOs, founders, and seasoned executives - often reveal a surprising truth: They struggle with confidence. It’s not about imposter syndrome in the clichéd sense, but a quieter, recurring sense that they’re not quite as certain, capable, or credible as others believe.
The real surprise? Much of this lack of confidence stems not from actual performance, but from how they communicate.
Words matter. So does tone, delivery, and presence. Without realising it, high-performing leaders often adopt communication habits that subtly signal uncertainty. These patterns not only affect how others perceive them but also reinforce internal doubts in a self-perpetuating loop.
If you’re serious about driving high growth—personally and professionally—start by identifying and correcting these three confidence-deflating habits.
1. Using Language That Lowers Your Status
It’s natural to feel unsure at times. But some leaders unknowingly convey uncertainty through specific vocal cues and word choices.
One client, an MD, would consistently trail off in volume at the end of his sentences—as if apologising for his own thoughts. Another, a talented founder, often spoke in sentence fragments, cutting herself off the moment she sensed disinterest from her audience (which usually wasn’t there). Still others habitually ended their statements with an upward inflection - turning firm declarations into hesitant questions.
These patterns subtly signal, “I’m not sure I belong here.”
Other low-status signals include:
Over-explaining your points
Repeating yourself unnecessarily
Using minimising language: “just,” “only,” “kind of,” “sort of”
Adding qualifiers: “I don’t know if this makes sense, but…”
The fix? Start with awareness. Record your conversations. Watch for patterns. Ask a trusted colleague for feedback. Then, choose one habit to tackle at a time. Track your progress and celebrate your wins. This small shift in self-perception builds real confidence - and fast.
2. Asking for Permission and Over-Deferring
There’s a fine line between collaboration and deference - and many leaders cross it without knowing.
One client, a dynamic startup founder, led a brilliant team with deep technical expertise. She valued their input and wanted to empower them. But her communication told a different story.
She routinely asked for permission to share her opinion. When asked to make a decision, she’d respond with disclaimers: “Well, I’m not really the expert here…” She often framed directions as questions: “Can we get this done by Friday?”
Her intention was to foster inclusion. But the result was uncertainty. Her team looked to her for clarity - and instead got ambiguity.
Once she recognised the disconnect, she adjusted. She didn’t abandon collaboration; she simply stepped into her role as the decision-maker. She learned to say: “Here’s my recommendation,” instead of asking, “What do you think we should do?”
Leadership doesn’t mean being the smartest person in the room. It means providing steady direction, especially when the path isn’t clear. Your team doesn’t need you to know everything - they need you to lead decisively.
3. Avoiding Friction at All Costs
A common pattern among high-achieving, likable leaders: a fear of disagreement.
One executive client, working in a highly collaborative company culture, confessed that he would backpedal the moment someone disagreed with his ideas. “I just want to avoid conflict,” he told me - a phrase I hear often.
Here’s the problem: consistently folding in the face of opposition doesn’t come across as open-minded. It reads as insecure, uncommitted, and unsure.
The alternative? Don’t fear the pushback. Use it as a pivot point for productive dialogue.
Try phrases like:
“That’s a good point. I see it differently because…”
“Here’s where I’m coming from…”
“I appreciate that view—here’s another way to look at it…”
You’re not picking a fight - you’re holding your ground. Strong leadership means respecting other perspectives without abandoning your own.
In high growth environments, the way you communicate is everything. Not just for how others view your leadership, but how you view yourself. Strip out the self-sabotaging habits. Speak with clarity. Stand firm. And watch your presence transform into one of grounded confidence.