Most of us have probably experienced the feeling of wanting to ask for something- a day off, a raise, maybe time to connect with a special person, but we sometimes don’t know how to ask for what we want. Maybe the following tips will help.
1) Take the time to get really clear on what you’re asking for.
This may mean making a list, or writing in your journal, or otherwise “checking in” to figure out what you really want. Knowing what you want will make it easier to ask for- and to respond appropriately if alternatives are offered.
2) Practice stating your request clearly.
Once you’re clear on what you’re asking for, it is often a good idea to practice out loud. Where possible, keep it simple, and to the point — cutting out unnecessary words or phrases. This step can help you build confidence.
3) As you go into the place of stating your request (the meeting with your employer or friend), take a minute and run through, mentally, how you want the conversation to proceed.
Taking a few seconds to “fast-forward” and visualize your desired outcome increases the likelihood of it occurring. See and feel your desired outcome as fully as possible.
4) After making your request, leave space for the other person to respond.
Very often, after asking for something (especially if we’re nervous or uncertain), we tend to “fill in” the space with nervous laughter or conversation. This can often decrease the impact of our request. Try reminding yourself to state your request and then pause, allowing the other person time to process and respond.
5) If the answer is not what you’ve hoped for, take a moment to check in with yourself before responding.
Taking a minute or two to check in with yourself, again, will allow you to take the next right steps — either to withdraw, ask again, or offer a modified request.
Just remember, however the situation unfolds, you always have a better chance of getting what you want when you make the effort to ask.
